Homesick.

I woke up sick. Physically. Stomach flu or something gross like that. And I usually never get sick. Being sick has always made me feel nostalgia. Nostalgic. And nostalgia has now turned into a deep longing for home. I miss home. I want to go home. But I haven't a clue where this may be anymore. And then I am saddened.

I do not have another home. Where is this place I miss? Because I can't picture it physically. So I picture theDinglehopper's bed, with him, telling me it will be ok and I tell him it will be ok and him making me laugh as we share the ridiculousness that is us. Being in his car and turning to look at him as we curse and cruise and Santa Barbara glows in the pink hue that showers our view. My Ma's living room, with her, while Josue and I make inappropriate jokes to make her laugh and Earl smiles too. Or my Ma running her fingers through my hair. Guy Ky, but just him, because the place we used to call ours makes me sad and his new place does not include me, so just him. I miss thinking about how lucky I was when once upon a time I was in love with him and he was in love with me and damn weren't we lucky, just so damn lucky, and it is all right there in that gaze that we share. Being with my dad as we get ready to visit our family and he talks to me about his doings and I want to hear and comment and show that I care and  that in itself seals that it is fact that we do love one another and the past passed. Laughing with My Thanh on the phone and planning our next drive to see one another. Then laughing uncontrollably when we are together because we are drinking and talking and writing each other's names with hearts in the mist on the glass that represents and is the moment that we are in.

I miss them. I want them to be near. But they are not. I am not. And so I just am left with this feeling that makes me an absurd melodramatic girl. And right now, I want to run back but I wouldn't have a particular location to go to. And sirens of sadness run through me. And I miss and I long.

So here I am, missing people and moments and times. And then feeling sad that home is not over there anymore. But right here and I am lonely and sick.

Interview?

Just finished watching the Clippers lose to Boston. Such talent on this team these Clipps have...where are you guys? Come on and glue together and sparkle! Griffin did have some sweet yammies and CP3 did have a broken nose, but c'mon!

Well in other/better news:

Today I finally got a call back from one of the places I applied to! This is the only place that has actually called me back to set up an interview. I don't really want to show how excited I am for an interview, well honestly for THIS interview, but I am. It is for a weekend receptionist position at an establishment whose aim it is to empower women. I really really really hope this goes through. It would be such a cool job because I would have a job that I feel is actually contributing something to the world. And there is so much that an organization like this one could accomplish and so many different ways to do so and I just really aspire to be a part of it but I gotta be cool. Composed. A cool composed cucumber. Calm. Efficient looking. AAHHHHHH!!!! So yes, I am going to hopefully be able to receive an interview this Thursday or Friday. I missed the call today so I left a blubbering message (yikes) back on the director's answering machine AND I emailed her too... Maybe a little too nutty? Maybe a little too crazy? Perhaps. Cool composed cucumber! Breath. I haven't told my Ma or anyone else... because I am scared I won't get it. Well, Athena and Mtm know about it but that's about it. Aggghhhhh. AAAAHHHHH!!!

Ok, ok... cucumber. I was going to talk about King of Prussia today but really it is kinda late and I am going to talk about it later and I seem to be building up to it for some reason. And right now all I really have on my mind is this interview which I am super excited/nervous about... Cucumber!!!!!!!

Baltimore, Well Really, Fell's Point

Wow, every time I get on this blog...I am merely catching up...but anyway here we go: Baltimore, Maryland. Honestly, I had never been too interested in Baltimore. It never really grabbed my attention and I know absolutely nada about this city. But one Saturday we got up and except for Athena, we have never been so we decided to check it out since it is only 1.5 hours away. So here are some tidbits that I thought were important to look up on our way: Baseball team is Orioles and their football team is the Ravens and their soccer team is the Baltimore Blasts. Yep, that is all I looked up. Which later bit us...more on this later.

Baltimore is big on crabs.

(Crabs have a special place in my heart due to theDinglehopper's obsession with them)

So when we arrived, we headed right into downtown and parked by the docks. We thought that the best way to get around was on the water taxi so we purchased an all day pass. Not true, in retrospect, had we moved around in the car, we would have ended up seeing more and paying less for parking and stuff but that's ok. Angel likes boats anyway and it made him happy:

Angel was so excited each time we got on the boat. Lucky for him, several boat trips were made.

Baltimore on February 26, 2012.

We were freezing but we made the effort!

On Sundays, there is only ONE water taxi in service and there are 17 stops it can potentially make so choosing this as our main source of transportation killed us on time. Especially because we literally did not have an idea or clue about what to do or where to go. Athena suggested we find the Lexington Market because it is food bliss...but they are closed on Sundays....boo! So per the suggestion of the boat attendant we went to Fell's Point (after checking out Harbor Place which is a common tourist destination).

Fell's Point is actually a neat historic neighborhood in Baltimore that is home to a slew of restaurants and stores. It is also known to host a TON of bars. I think that if the weather were nice (it was freezing) it actually would have been fun for all of us to hang out here at a park. But our main concern was going indoors and novelty shops and bars/pubs do not heart kids so back to the water taxi we went.

Fell's Point in the A.M.

I thought this was really cute.

I have decided that Athena and I will pay this establishment a visit next time since the name kinda fits anyway (because we grew up in San Diego!).

Since, the trip to King of Prussia (agh, I forgot to write about this...will cover later), Jeffrey has been obsessed with lobster feasting. Problem: Baltimore seems to be a crab city not a lobster city. We figured that since it is a city by the ocean AND they specialize in crabs, how hard could it be to find a decent lobster? We decided to try to make this happen and ended up taking the water taxi a couple more times and making a couple more phone calls to restaurants but each time there was always some sort of issue with the lobsters...so by the end of the day we realized we had spent most of the day on the water taxi. We were cold, hungry, and the lobster mission was eventually discarded so we went to Thames Street Oyster House located in....drummers....Fell's Point! 

It was actually a really cute restaurant and it was fun picking out different oysters for Jeffrey to eat. We did decide that the next time we make a trip we will put more research into it because at the end of the day it felt like we could have explored more or seen more if we had some plan. 

I will definitely like to come back and further explore Mr. Boh (the one eyed Baltimore beer icon; why does he have only one eye?!?! Is it really because he wears a monocle (as some say) or does Gunther (former mascot competitor) really have it?), Lexington market, museums, a couple of neat bookstores that came up on my phone, and I just think it would be cool to walk around some of the neighborhoods. Definitely am making a list before I come out next time. All in all, it was a fun trip and it was in great company!

These are the oysters Jeffrey picked out from a huge list! There are like 4 different types of gooey on this platter 

My seafood salad. It looks like I am about to eat alien but sea creatures don't look like cows so yeaaaa. Included: Jonah crab meat, baby shrimp, calamari, and scallops. I definitely bit down on sand at some points though. Boo.

Fell's Point in the P.M. Love, love, heart the stone road.

So Baltimore will definitely be visited by yours truly again. Also want to attend a baseball game there. And yep, just need to go back again with a little more preparation.

Harrisburg, Philly, Jobs, Dalai Lama, Snoop Dog as a Zebra

So I arrived in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on January 10, 2012 at 10pm. I live with Athena and Jeffrey and their two beautiful kids Angel and The Marla. While Athena goes to school, I take care of the kiddies. I have never really interacted with kids this young for this amount of time... and I love it (but I think that is because I love THESE kids). The Marla is 9 months, actually 10 months now and she is learning to walk and talk. She recently started saying "Mama". She likes to climb up stairs, play with the water in the toilet, and eat. I have yet to meet anyone who enjoys eating as much as she does!

The Hughes Family (my family) on January 10, 2012

Angel is 6 years old and quite energetic. He has autism so I was initially worried that I would be a stressor for him. I was really worried about affecting him negatively. The first time we met in 2010, he pretty much ignored me (he was shell shocked with CA and the people at the time). But honestly, he is my boy. He likes to tease me and bring up his old babysitter Chio because I get "mad". Sometimes, it is hard for us to communicate but we do what we can. Everything comes down to trying to keep the same patterns and rhythms. He does test my patience at times but I think, mostly, it has to do with my general frustration with all kids...they do not think nor act like adults. And so, I am learning to be a better listener and a bit more patient. I am also learning to control my pirate mouth because Angel repeats words..."Shit Fuck" is actually not THAT cute when a 6 year old says it. Still don't know if in the future I want to have kids of my own but I will say that these kiddies have definitely set a high bar.

We took Angel to the Annual Pennsylvania Farm Show on January 13, 2012.  He loved the cows and was very gentle and respectful of them.

The Marla, aka The Insurgent, on 1/19/2012 and 2/12/2012

Since I arrived, I have also been in search of a job. At first, I was picky. But it has been dreadful. I have not gotten one single call back. So now, no pickiness. At this point, I have been applying at retail positions, but it looks like most of the hiring does not even occur until Spring. It looks like everything sort of goes into slow motion during the winter. Plus my resume isn't that great. Plus, blah blah blah. This has been freaking me out. Basically, I am a full on-shameless couch surfer. I do not contribute a dime. I am THAT friend. Mortifying. I was so inflated with my own skills I even took a trip out to Philadelphia at the beginning of February because I was so sure I would land something... but nope. Nothhingggg! Today I found an advertisement for an event decor business and one requirement is that I should have "excellent finger dexterity (for tying balloons)" AND BY GAWD, I WILL APPLY, AND THESE FINGERS SHALL BE DEXTEROUS DIGITS! P.S, It reassures me that they made sure to note what the finger dexterity will be used for.


Well since I brought up Philly... I found out that the Clippers were playing the 76ers on February 10th and I am only 2 hours away and so I brought it up to Justine, whom attends grad school in NYC, and whom I hadn't seen since 2008. The tickets were sold out but she found us some online and it was a done deal. Off to Philly we went! 


I had never visited before, but I took the bus there...found my way onto the correct subway and made it to the stadium on time. I loved Philly, I love Philly. I think I like it so much because I found that the subway reminded me of NYC and the actual city had so much character. We had seats right next to the stars! The ones in the sky, not on the floor, but it was all good! Ahem, I must say that the reason why I wanted to go to a Clipper game was because of Blake Griffin. Frankly, he looked damn good but CP3 stole the show, which was awesome. I would be very sad to see the two split up if they ever switch teams because CP3 is a lot of fun to watch... I would probably just switch to whatever team Griffy is on, not gonna lie. 

We cheered for the Clippers, ate nachos, had some beer and caught up on years of our wanderings

During half time, a band composed of ~high school kids came and jammed out. The conductor went bananas! He tore off his jacket and swung it over his head several times before throwing it into the crowd. Pretty damn awesome. You can't see it but I hope you feel the energy!

Poor Justine was sitting next to two douchebags...they were all talk...Clippers won!

We did not get carded. Hm. 

After the game, Justine and I went to a bar in the Rittenhouse Square neighborhood. We made it home around 3AM but not before we found that the 7-11 in Philly does not carry hot cheetos. Heinous. We spent our Saturday trying to find a decent place to eat breakfast, trying to find a used copy of 'Invisible Man', going to the Liberty Bell, being tricked into "seeing" the new Philly History Museum (two rooms and some questionnaires later...), trying to find Edgar Allan Poe's home, talking about the apocalyptic Philly skyline, mistaking a sex shop for a bookstore (I finally settled for buying "Invisible Man" at BN), and general sight seeing shenanigans. 

I love this picture of the Dalai Lama. I love any pictures of him, really...but this one especially.

Can't help it:

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness"

"We can reject everything else: religion, ideology, all received

wisdom. But we cannot escape the necessity of love and compassion....
This, then, is my true religion, my simple faith"

Zebras that remind us of Snoop Dog deserve our undivided attention. He was wearing a baseball cap. Haha, such depth after the Dalai Lama quotes!

That statue being placed up so high was alarming...in fact, there was a curse placed on Philly's sports teams because no one was supposed to build anything higher than Billy (William Penn) and they did. Curse has since been lifted after mini Billy was placed upon the current highest building.

When it was time to go, we went to our respective Megabuses...Just want to say that I think the Megabus is brilliant. It is inexpensive, 2 storied, there are outlets everywhere, and it was really clean. I highly recommend it! Before we left, we agreed that there are places that we still need to explore. I have a traveling buddy! Detroit, Chicago, Canada, Florida here we come (after I am employed of course!).

Hm, tomorrow, I will come and describe my trip to Baltimore (with the Hughes clan), King of Prussia, and the book club I joined... Good night!

My Last Week in Santa Barbara, CA

Yesterday, I left off on New Year's... I just wanted to comment that half of that 8 hour trip to and from Mexico was with my little brother. I always worry for him and display a ridiculous amount of tough love but I just hope he knows that I really do love him. And I tell him that I do. When we get along, it actually goes well... Unfortunately we have different ideas about morality and assholeness so sometimes, it can be rough, us. Anyway, I took over most of the driving on the way back and therefore had full radio control so ipod time it was! At one point Josue turns to me and says, "Your music selection is a gay wonderland. And why is everything so high pitched at the end!?!". I tried arguing but I realized that most of what I have on said ipod is Glee and Beyonce...hmmm, I thought, maybe it would be fun to work on expanding my musical erudition which leads to my New Year's Resolutions for 2012:

Expand my musical knowledge/library
Research one country every month (history, politics, authors, music, etc.)
Go jogging at least 3x a week
Volunteer at a location that helps the community
Write to my friends and parents
Start studying for the GRE's

Ok, so back to January, it was time to say goodbye... Let me try to remember what I did before I skidattled. On the 2nd I got to see My Thanh (Mtm <3) on my way up from Mexico. I cannot even begin to capture what this friendship has meant to me over the years. I actually met her my first year in college after the guy I was dating dragged me to a UniCamp meeting. UniCamp! I was hooked. Anyway, over the years we have seen each other through so much... and she has always been there for me. Luckily, I was able to have breakfast with her before I came to The Burg. We had pho!!!!

My work buddies aka new friends Claudia and Michael also took me out to "The Intermezzo" and my Dinglehopper met us there, as well as a new bud, Sam whom woo'd us with her NY stories...

The wonderful Claudia, on the left and Dinglehopper on the right.

Sam and Michael and great food and superb drinks!

On Friday 6th, my final day at work, Janely (other receptionist/friend/roommate) paged everyone in the office and they all came up and said goodbye to me. They gave me a card, there were a lot of hugs going around, and they assured me that I would have a place to return to if I came back. I HATE crying in front of people, but I was so touched that I may have shed a tear or two. (Haha, I miss stalking people in the office, c-walking for the accounting dept, playing pranks on random people, making funny gangsta calls to Glen, and shooting the shit with Janely! I do.)

My parents, Ma and Earl, came down from Hanford on Saturday to give me one big hug before I left. Guy Ky and I met them in Ventura, we ate at Chipotle, then walked on the beach. Afterwards, we went back to the hotel room and hung out a bit before leaving. I am really happy I got to have that hug.

My Ma and I

Earl, Guy Ky, and Ma hang out at Ventura beach

I also went out to my last Sunday at Wildcat. Chris came up from Los Angeles to join in on the fun, although he did assure me that it was mostly due to the fundraising event that took place at Wildcat. Angelica, Lou, and Lisa came up from Ventura. We started the night out at Kyle's condo (where Rachel and Rachel joined in on some fun) and then tore the dance floor up. Wildcat, I basically paid rent there the whole time I lived in SB. And at midnight when I turned another year older, it was in great company.

On the left we find my bombastic crew:Lisa, Angelica and Lou. On the right: Rachel dazzling us with her smile!

Rachel attacking the cupcakes!

Yay, my homie G  Claudia!


Adrianne and Claudia! (I was giving the bird to the Dinglehopper)

        

             

My SB former hot roomies: Chris on the left and Dinglehopper on the right

Then met up with Guy Ky later that evening and hung out with the Tripod. Guy Ky and I got back home and I finished packing at around 3AM. The following morning, my Dinglehopper drove me to the airport and I arrived in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania around 10PM.

My Dinglehopper and the sunrise. I miss them something awful.

My boys pose. I wish I had gotten my brother in this picture because he drove up to say g'bye. Meant a whole lot to me...

And so I got on the escalator, turned to wave one final time at my brother and Dinglehopper (who was happily sending birds my way), and the journey began...

In Harrisburg...Hmmm...But Lets Catch Up!

Ok new rule: I will check into my blog at least twice a week now...to write and report (and honestly to unload). Wow. A lot has happened since December 1st.

In short December was pretty great. Spent time with my friends and my family. And that ex-boyfriend and I? We got back together. In fact, I spent Christmas with him and his wonderful family. (And just recently, we broke up...again, ahhhhh).

I am currently in Harrisburg, PA living with Athena, Angel (6 yrs. old), Jeffrey (Athena's hubby), and The Marla (cutest 9 month tyrant baby in the world). A lot has occurred in the two months since I arrived. A lot has also not occurred but I will get into that tomorrow.... For now I want to share some pictures from December because for the most part, it was a pretty awesome month:

Kyle's (stud on the right/my partner) shebang and we wore our best! The night started out with a gathering of well dressed people at his condo and lucky for us, our old roomie Chris made an appearance (!).

A week later, Angelica had her soiree (a combination of the best foods, beer pong, a dj and a garage to do it in) and our tripod (Angelica calls us "The Tripod") was happy to be together.

I love this picture of Lou (Angelica's husband) and Kyle

(we traded shoes because they were owning me and he OWNED them).

 Christmas was spent at Yucca Valley, California (which is really close to Joshua Tree) at Guy Ky's beautiful family home.

This is the best picture I have of Guy Ky and I on this trip...yep, being goofballs.

Well since I already mentioned it and this former relationship of mine has been consuming my thoughts, I want to get into it a tad. Even though we decided to get back together...I decided that I still wanted to come and try to make it in New York City.

It was hard because when we initially met (in 2010) I had planned to come directly to NYC for only 6 months (there was even talk of him moving over to the East Coast after my 6 months in NYC). Then I changed my plans to try living and working in Yellowstone with him. I thought maybe this could take away my urge to travel to the East Coast (I know, two completely DIFFERENT places) and I would be able to still be with him (didn't want to put 6 months of time between us). And yada yada... I went to Gardiner, Montana by myself, came back after just a month, we moved in together, broke up, and when the East Coast came up again there was something in me that said "DO IT!", then we got back together. Differences this time: I was moving to Harrisburg first, STAYING in Harrisburg to save money, AND THEN moving to NYC. So my 6 month time limit was/is gone. I wasn't staying in SB and he wasn't leaving SB. So these last two months, we tried making this relationship work over a huge distance. It did not. This wasn't, for me, the sole reason, not even the main reason for this breakup but it was definitely affected by this distance.

I know I am describing this particular situation a whollleee lot but it's because we recently broke up...and I am very sad about it. And I am going through the whole relationship in my head over and over again. At the end of the day, this is for the best and I know it. I'll be fine and so will he. And the best is wished to him because he is a good guy.

Love is beautiful and great and delightful and wondrous and it is too grand to be confined to an epoch in one's life...but damn. Just damn.

(I Mope)

Back to December! I love my dad and I have a hard time communicating with him but he is one of the most important people in my life. My brother, Josue, and I decided to spend New Year's with him in Mexico.

Josue and I rented a convertible (I am a fan for life now). On my drive to pick him up, I had the top down on the 101 South and saw the sun rise:

I must say, sunsets have always had me, but up until December 31st I wasn't that big on sunrises. 

Now I am.

The mens in the fam on New Year's Day. Hardcore. 

So that was December in a nutshell and tomorrow I will explain how things have been going since then...

Ode to December 1, 2011

This has been a crazy year. The initial blog only lasted, not even one blog (and I never even finished a single entry!). Jeez, but this time, I plan to stick to it (posting the little snippet in June though...that should count for something). Perhaps complete sentences would be a good start. Or not. Anyway, since that unfinished blog, I would like to report that I only lasted one month in Yellowstone before I came back to Santa Barbara, moved in with my boyfriend (x now), found a temp job, moved out, broke up, am living in a study (pull-out couch; I am writing on it right now!), and am still a temp after 5 months (ok, ok they said they would hire me in January, but nevertheless, still a temp).


It could be worse, I know that. BUT for a bit there, I really did feel like I was falling backwards and I just wasn't sure when that feeling of jerking awake in life was going to stop. No more. I think it is time to begin to start walking down the paths I've always stood at the entrance of. Plus, it's sick to feel sorry for myself when I put my issues in perspective with other people's problems.


So the purpose of this blog is no longer to report my adventures in Yellowstone but:


1. Record my journey to New York City 
2. Find a job in NYC where I can apply my Psych degree. 


And today, I woke up and realized that I have had a pretty rough time lately BUT today is new and beautiful (and windy as hell too but I like it) and balls out, I will begin to work towards my two new goals. I am very lucky to be where I am at in life and to have what I do have. It is time to do and give and share.


Why New York?: When I was 15, my dad paid for me to spend a month on the E. Coast with Athena, my childhood friend and confidant. We visited NYC for just one day, and I was done for. I came back as an adult when I was 24, and I knew that I had to move here one day.


I was recently talking to Athena and she lives in Harrisburg, PA and she suggested that if I am going to try to make it to NYC I can maybe try to set up interviews, find a place to live, etc from somewhere closer than Santa Barbara....Harrisburg, PA she suggested. I can live with her and I would be taking care of her two beautiful children on the days she has to go to school and clinicals (she is going to be an awesome nurse). On the weekends and days when I don't take care of the kiddies, I can find a job and start saving money so that I can eventually move to NYC. Done. I am leaving in January. 


And today, I have had this feeling, that I cannot wait! I cannot wait to begin a new year with the people I love and hell, the people that I will love. I have begun to feel like there is this whole beginning that I am brewing (with the help of great people of course) and there is going to be an exciting today and an exciting tomorrow. I am so relieved tonight, because I was scared for a bit there, that I would settle.


Thank you December for allowing me to wake up today and realize how damn blessed I am for what I do have, what I can do, and what I can give. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Balls out, here I go!